Today, at this moment, I don’t care. I don’t care about the current Invictus Challenge. I don’t care about what’s happening on ESPN or how many likes I have on my pictures. All I care about right now, are my people; African-Americans.Today, 9 negus men and women were murdered. AP_CHARLESTON4_150618_DG_4x3_992

Murdered while praying in a church in Charleston, South Carolina. I didn’t feel much pain when Trayvon Martin was murdered. It was messed up, and I was pissed about the verdict but no pain. Shit happens, I guess. Then Mike Brown, I was outraged. A little pain, maybe because I actually paid attention from the beginning. Then Eric Garner, Walter Scott, and by the time Freddie Gray was murdered I was seething with fury; angry. I wanted to do something. I wanted to hurt someone. I wanted to march and voice my opinions publicly. la-la-na-sc-video-wre0028041248-20150407I kept my emotions and opinions among friends and maybe retweeted a couple things. I didn’t march because I was on set. Honestly, I feel ashamed because I wouldn’t have marched if I had the time. I thought maybe these are all just unfortunate events during a heightened state of sensitivity, under major scrutiny. However, today, I came to realize it’s not a blip.

Tragic-black-crime-statisticsIt took me a while to realize we are under attack. We are under blatant attack. America has a red dot on our foreheads and are pulling the trigger at will. I’m not trying to entice a riot or cause hatred toward anyone, but WE need love among each other. I’m crying as I write this because I know we are so messed up as a people that we are susceptible to being attacked on all sides; from America and from ourselves. It’s so conflicting for me. I fear for, and fear my own people. I’m afraid to be in certain neighborhoods, and around certain people who dress a certain way. I’ve seen black stereotypes and unfortunately, we tend to live up to them. It sucks. We listen to music that degrades us, watch tv shows that portray us as ignorant buffoons, wear other human’s hair to cover up our own. And we believe that doesn’t effect how we treat each other or how we view our worth as human beings.

My thoughts may come off erratic but thats how I’m feeling inside. I want to fight for my people, love my people but we refuse to fight for and love each other. 9 of us were murdered by a white gunman, but unfortunately, maybe 10 more will be murdered by the end of today by us. However, I ask you, whoever reads this, to smile at black man, hug your brethren. Be kind and look each other in the eye with love. No more fear of each other. I love all people. I have friends of different races. But I love black people. I love all my fellow negus.

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